I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
