I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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