i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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