DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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