im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
