yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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