Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I supernannyed him into submission
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
