...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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