i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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