It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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