would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
