Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
