can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
