yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
