i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
