Moan for me like Helen Keller
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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