omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
