I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
