What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
