Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
