she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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