First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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