The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
