Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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