i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
