the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
