what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
