Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
