bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
