threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Even my vagina gasped.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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