he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
