Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
