my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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