there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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