All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
