Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
