It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize