May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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