Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
