I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
