It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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