I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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