That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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