Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He has the fingertips of a God
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