You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
