Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize