then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
