so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
