think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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