I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
