I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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