He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i want to swaddle you in tequila
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
