I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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