i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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