I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
