A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
