even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
