I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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