I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
