Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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