I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When did angry sex become our thing?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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