I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
