shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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