You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
