I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
